Have you ever stopped and wondered what is really holding you back from achieving the things you want in life? Maybe you have dreams and goals that you have been thinking about for years. Maybe you want to earn more money, change careers, improve your relationships, get healthier, or simply create a life that feels more fulfilling.
You know what you want. You may even have made the decision to go after it. So why is it sometimes so hard to actually make the change?
The answer may be more complicated than simply saying, “I need to try harder.” A lot of what holds us back happens beneath the surface. Our thoughts, beliefs, habits and past experiences can influence the way we respond to life without us even realising it.
Here are three things worth thinking about.
1. We don’t always operate from a conscious level
Have you ever decided that you were going to change something, only to find yourself doing exactly what you had always done? You decide you’re going to exercise more, eat better, stop procrastinating, save money or finally pursue that dream.
For a while, you’re motivated. Then something happens. You slip back into the old routine. This is because simply making a decision doesn’t automatically change the patterns we have developed over many years.
Our brains are constantly taking in information and creating patterns. Many of the things we do every day have become habits that require very little conscious thought.
Think about driving a car. When you first learned, you had to concentrate on almost everything. Now you can often drive a familiar route while your mind is thinking about something completely different.
The same thing can happen with our behaviours and beliefs. If we have spent years telling ourselves, “I’m not good enough,” “I could never do that,” or “That’s just the way I am,” those thoughts can become deeply ingrained. That is why change often requires more than making a decision. Sometimes we need to change the patterns behind the decision.
2. Your brain is constantly looking for patterns
Our brains are incredibly good at recognising patterns and making predictions based on what we have experienced before. This is useful because it helps us navigate everyday life without having to consciously analyse everything.
But there is a downside. If your past experiences have taught you to expect failure, rejection, disappointment or struggle, your brain can begin looking for evidence that confirms those expectations. You might see an opportunity and immediately think:
“That’s not for someone like me.”
“What if I fail?”
“I’ve tried this before.”
“It’s too late for me.”
“I don’t have what it takes.”
And before you know it, you have talked yourself out of taking the first step. The good news is that our brains are capable of learning and changing. This means you are not necessarily stuck with the way you have always thought or behaved. You can develop new habits. You can challenge old beliefs. You can create new ways of responding. And sometimes, that is where real transformation begins.
3. Change can feel uncomfortable
There is another reason we can struggle with change. Our brains are designed to protect us. \When something is familiar, our brain knows what to expect. Even if that familiar situation isn’t particularly good for us, at least we know it. Change introduces uncertainty. And uncertainty can feel uncomfortable.
This can explain why someone might stay in a job they don’t enjoy, remain in an unhealthy pattern, avoid pursuing a dream or continue living within the same financial limitations year after year. It’s not necessarily because they want things to stay that way. Sometimes it is because the familiar feels safer than the unknown. You may have heard the saying, “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” There is some truth behind that idea. We can become comfortable with our discomfort. The problem is that comfortable doesn’t always mean happy. And familiar doesn’t always mean right.
So, what’s really holding you back?
Maybe it’s not a lack of ability.
Maybe it’s not a lack of opportunity.
And maybe it’s not even a lack of motivation.
Sometimes the biggest thing holding us back is the collection of beliefs, habits, experiences and thought patterns we have built throughout our lives. But here’s the important part:
If you learned those patterns, you can learn new ones.
You don’t have to continue being the person you have always been simply because that’s who you have been up until now. You can challenge the old story. You can change the way you think. You can take a different action. And you can start moving forward. It doesn’t have to happen overnight. In fact, meaningful change rarely does. Sometimes it starts with something as simple as asking yourself:
“What if the thing I believe is holding me back isn’t actually true?”
That question could be the beginning of something very different. The future doesn’t have to be a repeat of the past. You can choose to move forward.
[Picture – Sharon McCutch – Unsplash]
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